When Did We Put A Deadline on Love?

Lately I have noticed a trend of not just people posting "bucket lists", but "specific age bucket lists" on facebook or Pinterest, or whatever social media site is hip now.  For instance, "Things to Accomplish by My 20th Birthday" or 25, 27, 30, whatever.  I have my own working bucket list, so I have nothing against making a list of life goals, desires, wants, so forth.  Actually I love making lists, my life would not function without lists, and I sure as hell would get nothing accomplished at work if I didn't have the 15 fluorescent colored post it notes telling me what to do on my desk, computer, phone, any surface a note can be stuck to, really.  It does make me cringe a little though when I see young women, late teens/early twenties, posting goals with narratives having to do with relationship status, or parenthood status.  For example, "If I'm not married with 2 children by the time I'm 25, my life will not be complete", or "If I haven't fallen in love with the man I'm going to marry by the time I'm 27, I just give up on love", and so it goes.  Now, I was never the little girl who played house, pretended to be a bride, or a wife, or a mommy, I know a lot of women who were, women I love and admire, I just was never one of them. (And, that's not to say I never want to be any of those things, but as a little girl I was nursing stuffed animals back to health, reading, riding my bike, playing softball, and chopping off all of my Barbies hair).  I also don't think any of those things; bride, mommy, wife, are bad things or should not be included on bucket lists, I do however believe putting a deadline on those things, can cause way more damage than good.

What happens when these "goals" don't become attainable?  What happens when a young girl makes the married with a kid by 25 goal and what happens instead is;  start dating someone at 20, get married by 22, have a child by 23, get overwhelmed and realize you have no idea who you are or who the person is  you married, and get divorced by 25?  Or the person who HAS to be in love with the man she's going to marry by 27, what happens when she's still dating dirt bags at 27, and completely gives up?  She misses out on potential great romances that could begin at 28 or 29 or 37!  Or what happens when you've set your ultimate goal of being a parent by a certain age, and your body or your significant other's body just won't cooperate with what you've pre-determined? 

I firmly believe setting goals can be productive and positive in life, but I will never believe pre-determining an age for love and family to be productive to a life of happiness.  To those who attain, bravo, but to all those who do not, I cannot imagine the disappointment and pain they may be setting themselves up for.  When did the ultimate goals for women become your relationship status and whether or not your were a parent by a certain age anyway?  Again, I believe those are two important and admirable things to be in this life, but it does not define who you are as a person living this life.  I confess, I am a 35 year old, unmarried, non-parent, and my life is pretty great! I have a family who loves and support me, friends who stand by me through all sorts of crazy, a relationship that lifts me up and makes me a better person and pushes me out of my comfort zone, (and I was still dating dirt bags at 27!) a job that fulfills me, and a life that makes me happy.  ( I do still have a shitty apartment, so that's number one on my bucket list, "buy house to get away from dealing with assholes who smoke in the community laundry room, and complain because water from my plants is leaking down the balcony").

So for all you young women making your bucket lists, let's stop putting an age limit on finding love.  Let's instead find out who you are as a person, who you are at 22, 25, 27, 30, 35....and use pencil on those lists, so you can add and subtract to it as you go in life, as your interests change, as you change.