Fall from Grace

Picture in your mind the most graceful image you can imagine. A seasoned professional ballet dancer on toe shoes. Jacqueline Kennedy commanding a room just by walking into it. A pod of dolphins moving through the raging ocean waters effortlessly. Do you have that picture of grace in your mind? Well I am the opposite of all of those images. I am quite frankly one of the clumsiest ungraceful people ever. I will and have tripped over nothing, literally nothing in my direct path of walking except my shoe or bare foot hitting the floor, and I have tripped. I once turned around to check out a guy who had just walked by me, and when I turned back around I walked directly into an overgrown shrub. In case you were wondering, that is not an awesome first impression to make. I also once tripped and fell down at least five steps about a third of the way down the steps in Bramlage Coliseum, taking a few people with me. Did I mention it was a conference men's basketball game, close to a sold out crowd? As if I hadn't realized I had fallen on concrete a genius in the student section felt the need to point it out by not only laughing and yelling, but also physically pointing at me. Thanks, guy. Unfortunately for me, and those around me, not only can I trip on a thread, but I drop things. A lot.

I have a friend who once dropped two full adult beverages, in a row, simply because she forgot to hold on to the glass. She did have an excuse, we had been consuming adult beverages for quite a while at that point, plus we were sidetracked convincing patrons of the bar our other friend was indeed Miss Kansas. (By the way it totally worked and we scored free drinks all night, hence my friends lack of ability to hold a drink any longer).
I generally do not have those kinds of excuses to fall back on when I drop things; it's usually just because I'm a klutz. Last week I ran down to the neighborhood grocery store by my office to make a salad for lunch. I created the perfect salad, placed the lid on securely, turned around to head to the check out lane, and promptly dropped my salad in the middle of the main aisle of the grocery store. I ate a frozen meal for lunch that day. Several months ago my cell phone screen went white and died. I was so upset. I am lucky it lasted as long as it did, I dropped that phone countless times, and several of them were from my outside balcony onto the pavement and rocks three floors below. I have two sets of wine glasses, neither are a full set any longer, because I have dropped at least one from each set and shattered it. Today was no exception to my abundance of grace. This morning, in a balmy 4 degrees, I ran down three flights of stairs in wet hair and no coat, (but did take time to put my snow boots on!) to start my car so it was nice, warm, and defrosted on my way to work. Thinking ahead. This was going to be a good day. As my foot hit the ground I slipped and dropped my keys in a snow drift. It wasn't a small snow drift. Needless to say, I was late for work today.