Morning Musings

Recently I had a discussion with my sisters about seeing the good vs. seeing the bad in people.  It wasn't a deep long philosophical discussion, it was basically me saying, not everyone is a bad person or out to get you, and them saying, but there are a lot of bad people and gently chastising me for not being more aware and questioning of people.  I would like to state, I am aware there are bad people in the world, I just don't believe it's more likely than not, someone is going to want to kidnap me and stuff me in their trunk and drive me across state lines.  I understand the importance of safety and being aware, but I just don't think I have to live my life being vigilant every minute of every day.  I had basically dismissed this conversation, because as I said, it wasn't a lengthy thought-provoking conversation, but then I woke up yesterday to the headlines of the senseless tragedy in Aurora, CO.

Unfortunately this is not the first of this sort of tragedy we have seen in the last 10-15 years.  Columbine, Jonesboro, Virginia Tech, and the list goes on.  Obviously we all, as a society, mourn the loss of the innocent people and the grief of their families and loved ones in all of these violent crimes; but then it becomes almost automatic to get caught up in who these perpetrators were, what kind of person commits such senseless violence, what made them do it, what finally pushed them over the edge. I don't know if those questions can ever fully be answered.  People who commit such acts of violence are simply maladjusted individuals, who for whatever reason could no longer take the reality of their lives.  I am not so naive to know there are not bigger problems looming in our society, given tragedies of this proportion continue to plague our world, but I don't think we can shut down and shy away from people either.  Do I think we have a gun problem in the United States?  Absolutely.  I have never been a fan of guns and refuse to ever have one in my home.  I don't believe more guns in the hands of civilians is the answer.  Do I think Batman had anything to do with the shooting in Aurora?  No.  I think James Holmes would have found a message of violence in an episode of Sesame Street if he so chose.

 I know there are many of you, some of who may stumble across this blog post by mistake, who will vehemently disagree with my thoughts. You are as entitled to your opinions as I am to my own.  I write this not to offend, but simply to get my own thoughts out, make sense of what's been a running dialogue in my head for the last day.  As I said previously, I am aware there are bad people in this world, who do intend to do harm, and I am not free of knowing that first hand.  I have lost people I love to violent acts of crime.  However, I will continue to choose to look for the positive in people, see the good, because I believe the majority of the time it's always there.  If that makes me a bleeding heart liberal, so be it, that's a title I feel pretty comfortable owning.

Daddy's Girl

This picture was taken in September of 1980.  I was 15 months old, and a Daddy's girl.  32 years later, nothing has changed, well except the fact I no longer sit on Dad's knee on a regular basis. I have always been a bit of a Daddy's girl.  I think we all were really. My dad coming from a family of 10 children, where there was an equal split between boys and girls, was blessed in fatherhood with three very lovely, well-mannered, do as we were told, soft-spoken girls.  (If anyone believes everything in that last statement you've clearly never been around my sisters and I, especially on a day after Christmas shopping trip).  I have amazing memories of being with my dad.  I used to love watching him work in the garage building projects.  He used to give me a scrap piece of wood to practice hammering or sanding.  I know how to drive a nail, the difference between a flat head and Phillips head screwdriver, and how to check the air in my tires all because of my dad.  Dad spent many years coaching me on and off the field, in sports and in life.  As much sawdust and dirt I remember being in my memories with Dad, there are also the times I remember as a little girl him braiding my hair, or laying in my bed telling me bedtime stories he would make up, or singing me songs until I fell asleep.  I loved listening to him, and I honestly still do.  We haven't always agreed, and frankly the older we both get, the more things in life we seem to have very differing opinions on, but we can always have a conversation.   I treasure those times.  I know how lucky I am at 33 to still have both of my parents, and to still have them together, when so many of my friends have already lost a parent or have to split time between the two.   I can't begin to express all the gratitude and respect I have for my dad, I love him dearly, and will forever be a Daddy's girl.  

The King and Ike

Today I was a tourist in my own hometown.  I spent this morning and afternoon with my lovely parents touring the Eisenhower Presidential Library and Museum.  I spent the first 18 years of my life living in Abilene, and today, two weeks away from my 33rd birthday, was my first time visiting the main attraction of my small hometown.  Originally my interest was finally piqued due to an Elvis exhibit being on display at the Eisenhower museum as part of the Smithsonian Institute Traveling Exhibition Service.  I remember hearing the dramatic voice of Elvis playing in our house growing up and both my parents singing along.  I remember Moody Blue on blue vinyl.  When I think of Elvis' music, it always put me in a good mood, my foot always starts moving, my body dancing, and my off key voice singing along with every word.  When I heard the exhibit Elvis at 21 Photographs by Alfred Wertheimer was going to be on display I knew I had to go, and I had to go with my parents.  I was not disappointed.  This exhibit consists of photographs taken by Alfred Wertheimer as he spent a week with Elvis in 1956.  The pictures are moving, emotional, moments captured of a man who was changing the landscape of music at the time.

While I went for the King, I was also swept up in Ike mania.  The library has a display of the building, construction, planning, and fundraising necessary to make the library a reality.  This was made more interesting to me because I went through the exhibit with my parents, and my dad was on the construction crew that built the Presidential library.  He pointed out the areas he worked on could describe the pictures in more detail, make it more interesting to me, someone who knows absolutely nothing about construction.  It was also interesting to see letters written by those who had been asked to help in the in the fundraising and strongly opposed the building of the library due to Eisenhower's beliefs. There's also a great exhibit of Mamie Eisenhower and her fashion.  She was a real fashionista of her time!   We spent two hours just on the museum and library, and also visited the chapel.  We could have spent two more hours really looking, reading, and taking in everything.   All in all, a really wonderful way to spend a Saturday.

A Mother's Love

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. ~Washington Irving

In honor of Mother's Day, I thought I should list just a few of the essential life lessons I have learned from my amazing mother.  

-Never be afraid to speak your mind, let your voice be heard, and stand up for what you think is right.  

-You can accomplish anything with confidence and determination.

-Shopping is soothing to the soul.  

-SHOE shopping is essential to maintaining a healthy mind. 

-Always follow your heart, but always trust your instincts.  

-Love without restraint.

-Always, always have at least one bottle of wine in the house at all times.  

-If you don't scrub your bathroom floors on your hands and knees they're just not clean enough.

-Be proud of your accomplishments, you earned them.

One last essential lesson I will share, I can always go to my mom heartbroken, life weary, or just a little lost, and know the instant she hugs me, everything will be okay.  There are many other thoughts I could list, but it would turn this blog entry into a short story.  

To all the mother's I know, you are amazing women and should be honored everyday not just simply on Mother's Day for the unconditional love and support you give your children, young or grown every day of their lives.  You are true superheros.  To my very special and own personal superhero mom, I am so blessed to have you, I love you.

Won't You Be My Neighbor

I grew up in a small Kansas community where everyone knew you even if you didn't know them.  Oh you're Steve and Shirley's daughter, I had your sister in my class, I know your cousin, and so it goes.  Not only did I grow up in a community where it was impossible to be anonymous, I also grew up in a community where the term "neighbor" did not just mean the people occupying the houses to the direct left and right of your home.  The term neighbor was inclusive and broad.  It meant the family who just had their third baby two weeks early who lived five blocks away from you.  It meant the family at the end of the block whose father just had a heart attack and the children were too young to shovel the sidewalk when the 8 inches of snow fell over night.  Sometimes, your neighbors also became a part of your family, attending holidays and birthdays, being a part of the everyday life experiences.

Today something happened that spurred this rambling above regarding neighbors.  I have lived in the same apartment complex for several years.  I have seen close to a dozen families or individuals come and go from the apartments on either side of mine.  Currently I do not even know the first names of the people living on either side of my apartment.  Today I came home from work to find a nice little brown and yellow note stuck to my door from the UPS man.  Instantly I was annoyed they had come before 5 again, when I had called the day before to specifically change the delivery time to after 5.  I ripped the note off the door only to find it said my package had been left with my neighbor.  My neighbor.  Who I don't know.  My neighbor, who I don't know, but who I have to listen to through the wall doing very private things.  My neighbor, who I don't know, now has my package I've been waiting two days for.  My neighbor, who I don't know, now had my....Victoria's Secret package.  Thanks UPS guy I was lacking an awkward moment today.

Then and Now

Ten years ago I was 22.  I was three months into my first job as a social worker, fresh out of college, still unsure of what I was doing and how to do it well.  I had court in a small rural town first thing that morning.  I got screamed at by an upset parent, in the middle of a crowded hallway.  I got chastised in court, by the Judge, for not following appropriate procedure.  I was upset, questioning if I was cut out for this field.  I went to the small local SRS office to regroup and vent before going to my next appointment with the same parent who had cussed me out earlier.  I walked in to find everyone in the office huddled around the very small television watching in shock and disbelief, some crying, all with looks of unknowing on their faces. 

It's true our world changed that day.  We all felt a little less safe, even in rural Kansas.  We all questioned a little more what we were doing with our lives, what mattered most, our own reality.  Ten years ago I was still green, naive of the world around me, untouched by a tragedy of this proportion, although I had experienced personal loss and tragedy.  We were inundated with the images of that day for weeks following the events.  I came home from work every day and turned on the television and every channel was continuing to cover the carnage of September 11.  Eventually you learn it's okay to turn off the television, it's not disrespectful to the lives lost to bring normalcy back into your life, to laugh when something is funny, to yell when something makes you angry, or to just enjoy your life again.  So today, I woke up, remembered and said a silent prayer, and went about my day. 

Alignment of Chaos

I am convinced whatever entities must all align in the world to create a complete and total breakdown of rational thinking, appropriate societal acceptable behavior, and basic common sense have been aligned for the last month and are wreaking havoc on my world, and quite honestly, I'm pissed about it and over it!  So, Mercury move a little to the left, Venus up a smidge and over to the right.  A little more. A little more.  Now can sanity please set back into the Little Apple, that would be great, thanks!

Weird things happen to me on the regular.  I have recently, in the last 24 hours, joked that my life is much like a Seinfeld episode, totally random awkward moments, with a smattering of wisdom and life lessons amidst the truly nonsensical.  In honor of my Seinfeldesque life lately I leave one of my favorite quotes from the television show to sum up my last month, ( for the 4 people that read this I really hope one of you has watched an episode of Seinfeld).

"Whew. You know Darren, if you would have told me twenty-five years ago that some day I’d be standing here about to solve the worlds energy problems, I would’ve said you’re crazy… Now let’s push this giant ball of oil out the window."